"Delivering Hope" The Book

This is a book I have been wanting to read since it came out about 2 years ago but I was a little scared. (I know that sounds funny) but I was scared that I would be reading the story of my life and the pain and struggles of dealing with infertility and that I would cry through the whole thing. Well a few days ago I finally started reading it and finished it in about 2 days. And yes I surely did read the story of my life and I did cry through the whole thing. I loved the book. It was worth the tears and the few hours I missed by reading it.  I think it portrayed very well some of the emotions you have when dealing with infertility. I had to smile as I remembered feeling, acting and thinking the same way as the woman in this book. Only someone who has experienced infertility could accurately write about them. I also laughed at the part when the couple was filling out adoption paperwork and the Husband was complaining about how much there was and how personal some of the questions are and then he says "I may just as well put down how many times I use the bathroom each day and how many squares of toilet paper I use and how I feel about that"  Because there is a TON of paperwork to fill out and that is about the only thing they don't ask. :)  but I think my favorite part of the book was this part that I think can be applied to just about any trial we go through.

"What if the things I need to learn in order for me to be happy in the eternities require that I go through this now? What if Heavenly Father has another mission on this earth for me? What if conceiving and giving birth to lots of babies [I think we can insert any of our trials here] is my own will, and not necessarily the plan that Heavenly Father has for me? What if He, as a loving and all-knowing parent, is allowing me to have these sad experiences now, so that I may come through them and be the woman He needs me to be on the other side"

I read that and wow, never thought about it like that. I know our trials are to teach us and help us become more like our Heavenly Father but didn't ever think about that some of the hard things we face in our lives is so we can become the person he needs us to be after this life. It also reminded me of an Ensign article I read last year about prayer and how prayer isn't to tell God what we want and convince him to change the outcome but for us to Align our will with God's will for us.  It is something I'm not very good at but continue to work on.

Going through infertility was really hard for me, I guess I should say it still is hard for me, but I have more peace about it because Heavenly Father has shown me that this is the way it was supposed to be. That He knew what I was going through and He was very aware of it and that He had a better plan for me I just needed to be patient.  During all of the not knowing and fertility treatments I needed them to work I needed it to be a certain way but now looking back I am so thankful that Heavenly Father didn't answer my prayers the way I thought they should be answered because as much as I'm sure being pregnant and carrying a child and giving birth is an amazing experience, I would have missed out on experiencing adoption and the amazing experience it is. I would have missed feeling the overwhelming spirit that surrounds it and how it feels to love a Birth Mother, and all of the love that comes with adoption!

I would have to agree with Jean A. Stevens when she said her talk this last General Conference
"I would never have asked for this trial, but I would never give it away"  That is how I feel. I would have never asked for this but I am so thankful for the person that it help me to be and the what I have learned about myself and my relationship with my Heavenly Father!