I Remember

Today my little guy turned one.  Can't believe he is one.  This last year has gone by SO fast.  The last couple of days I have thought a lot about all that happened a year ago and as I do I still get tears in my eyes and feel the gratitude I felt a year ago.  I was also reminded of a conversation I had about 3 years ago with my then 4 year old niece.  I was taking her home and our conversation went something like this:

Carli: Autumn do you have any kid movies in your car

Me: I don't think I have kid movies in my car

Carli: Why not?

Me: Well, I guess it is because I don't have any kids.

Carli: Why don't you have any kids, don't you want kids?

Me: Sure I want kids. I would love to have kids.

Carli: Well, then why don't you go get one?

Then wanting to know how a 4 year old mind works about how babies get here I asked

Me: Well, where should I go get one?

Carli: From your neighbor!

I couldn't help but laugh.  She made it sound so easy.  But little did we all know she wasn't too off about how we would be blessed with a child.  I read in the Ensign recently an article on "Faith and Infertility".  It hit really close to home and I was reminded of how hard it was before Carter came to us.  I remember the hurt, tears and disappointment as we went to fertility doctors and got bad news after bad news.  I remember how hard it was after another round of meds and treatments didn't work.  I remember how scared I was of the unknown and what would be in store if the fertility treatments didn't work.  I also remember the day I got the call from my sister who told me of a birthmom looking for someone to adopt her baby.  I remember the strong spirit we felt as we met Carter's birthmom and the excitement of knowing we were going to be parents.  I remember the the love and respect I had and still have for Carter's birthmom as she invited me to attend the doctor's appointments and be there for the delivery of our sweet baby boy.  I remember how strong she was and how she never wavered from her decision and how she told me more than once that she knew the baby she was carrying was supposed to be mine.  I remember the peace and love I felt from my Heavenly Father during that time and the clear understanding that this was Heavenly Father's plan and how grateful I was and still am that I got to experience adoption.  Infertility isn't something I would ever have chosen for myself and it isn't something I would ever wish on anyone else but I am SO grateful that my Heavenly Father knows more than I do and let me have the experience of adopting our son!  One quote from the Ensign article explains it much better than I can it says, "What I would have planned for our life would pale in comparison to what God has given us.  What He has in mind for His Children is better than anything we could every design"  I love that because that is exactly how I felt and still feel as we went through the adoption process.  As I hold my son in my arms every day I am reminded of what a miracle it is that he is here.  I am also reminded that Heavenly Father knows each one of us and knows the experiences we need in this life to learn and grow.  I am so grateful for my son and for the happiness he has brought into our lives.  We love you Carter!